Can't believe that the summer is almost over! So crazy how fast time flies when you run around like a chicken with your head cut off! I was really worreid that last week would go by painfully slow but it actually went by at a perfect pace. Probably due to the fact that I was at work 5-7 hours a day doing mostly nothing. I would get some chores done and then there was nothing left to do so I would hang out with the lil girl and watch Dora over and over again! But, it made her happy having someone watch it with her so I am more than happy to do so!
Anyhoo, I get to take my state tests on Tuesday so that is super exciting! On Monday I am having some friends over to practice our skills and study for the written exam so that will be fun and then after therapy on Tuesday I am driving up to school with my lab partner and we are gonna rock the tests!! Well, just pass them would be great! Unfortunately I won't find out for a whole week if I passed or not so I may have to wait to apply for the jobs that require the CNA not just passing the class. But, I can still apply at the nursing homes and most home health care facilities in the mean time. I am really trying to have faith that I will get a great full time job with benefits very soon so that I can get the kids all settled before school starts on the 23rd.
Still feeling all settled and peaceful about my life so far so I am hoping that this is a new trend for me lol. I have really taken the time to feel my feelings about things but then just let it go so that it isn't hurting me anymore. I also had a very weird dream about the psycho boss that fired me in December. In the dream we were at a grocery store and were just shopping and chatting like two friends. I was leery of her in the dream but still played along and ended up feeling like a huge burden had been lifted from me! Super awesome experience! Hopefully that was my psychie's way of letting me know that I am ok to forgive her and myself for what happened and just learn from it and never flip out about any injustices on either party's part!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Always Thinking...
Yes thinking constantly can be a bad thing sometimes! Especially if it isn't exactly productive thinking or just the kind that the same thoughts run around and around in your head without any destination other than the land of irritating!
Anyhoo, I am feeling very anxious since school has ended because I am back to just trying to find a job. Quite a few of the jobs I've tried to apply for want you to have your state certification already and I can't get mine until I test on the 2nd, and I am working full time this week so I am kind of at a stand-still that way which sucks. But it's a blessing in disguise that I am working full time this week cuz it will keep me busy until I do get my certification so I need to think of it positively! I really have been focusing on the negative so much lately that I am really making an effort (idea from Deanna) to change my attitude. I don't really notice my thoughts as much as I notice my feelings and my speech. I have realized that I complain a lot when I finally get to talk to someone and so when I was on the phone with my wonderful Mother, I pointed out all the positive things about today rather than dwell on the negative. It really made me feel soooo much better! Hopefully this new habit will continue so I can be calmer and much happier!
Speaking of good feelings, on Saturday I might be going to my friend Brooke's single adult ward activity! She has a lot of older singles in the ward but not too old so they would be in the 31+ catagory but around my age so I thought I'd give it a try. I just need to remember confidence and that I am happy no matter what comes my way but I'd love to get some dates out of it lol but that's not likely until people get to know me so it will be a great start! Well, the kids are cranky so I am off to put us all to bed!
Anyhoo, I am feeling very anxious since school has ended because I am back to just trying to find a job. Quite a few of the jobs I've tried to apply for want you to have your state certification already and I can't get mine until I test on the 2nd, and I am working full time this week so I am kind of at a stand-still that way which sucks. But it's a blessing in disguise that I am working full time this week cuz it will keep me busy until I do get my certification so I need to think of it positively! I really have been focusing on the negative so much lately that I am really making an effort (idea from Deanna) to change my attitude. I don't really notice my thoughts as much as I notice my feelings and my speech. I have realized that I complain a lot when I finally get to talk to someone and so when I was on the phone with my wonderful Mother, I pointed out all the positive things about today rather than dwell on the negative. It really made me feel soooo much better! Hopefully this new habit will continue so I can be calmer and much happier!
Speaking of good feelings, on Saturday I might be going to my friend Brooke's single adult ward activity! She has a lot of older singles in the ward but not too old so they would be in the 31+ catagory but around my age so I thought I'd give it a try. I just need to remember confidence and that I am happy no matter what comes my way but I'd love to get some dates out of it lol but that's not likely until people get to know me so it will be a great start! Well, the kids are cranky so I am off to put us all to bed!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Grad Party!
My sister Karen surprised me with a lil graduation celebration for tonight! It was tons of fun! We went to Chili's with Mom and Dad and then they took me to the last Harry Potter movie :) Haven't been to a movie in a VERY long time or out to eat at Chili's for a long time either so it was great being able to not only get out of the house without the kids but to also enjoy time with sweet supportive family and get to see a great flic!
I got a lot accomplished in the apartment today! The living room is now really clean except the book shelves and I need to clean the carpets and the kitchen is about 90% gorgeous! I got 3 loads of laundry washed, folded, and put away and I got both the kids' DVD's and my DVD's organized. Oh and I finished a book I've been reading for like 2 weeks now cuz I have no free time lol.
So next week I will be working full time all week. Everyone in my family tries to get me to think positively about it and comment on how great it will be for the extra income but they don't know how hard it is to even get out of bed to go to work anymore. I still love the work I do with the lil girl but having the two older kids and mom home all day and make mess after mess with no intention of cleaning it is getting so ridiculous I can't stand it! To make matters worse, I had my first asthma attack on Thursday night after trying to run outside with the kids around 9:00pm when it had finally cooled off. I was able to get it under control thanks to Mom and then the next morning after being at work for 2 hours, I could hardly breathe and was coughing and sneezing and it sucked!! So, I think the cat dander is to blame for that but I can't have them lock up the cat for 8 hours a day while I'm there! Plus I have to do laundry which is the room the cat is in most of the time! I guess I just need to get a blessing from Dad tomorrow when we go down for dinner cuz I literally don't know how to handle this!
I got a lot accomplished in the apartment today! The living room is now really clean except the book shelves and I need to clean the carpets and the kitchen is about 90% gorgeous! I got 3 loads of laundry washed, folded, and put away and I got both the kids' DVD's and my DVD's organized. Oh and I finished a book I've been reading for like 2 weeks now cuz I have no free time lol.
So next week I will be working full time all week. Everyone in my family tries to get me to think positively about it and comment on how great it will be for the extra income but they don't know how hard it is to even get out of bed to go to work anymore. I still love the work I do with the lil girl but having the two older kids and mom home all day and make mess after mess with no intention of cleaning it is getting so ridiculous I can't stand it! To make matters worse, I had my first asthma attack on Thursday night after trying to run outside with the kids around 9:00pm when it had finally cooled off. I was able to get it under control thanks to Mom and then the next morning after being at work for 2 hours, I could hardly breathe and was coughing and sneezing and it sucked!! So, I think the cat dander is to blame for that but I can't have them lock up the cat for 8 hours a day while I'm there! Plus I have to do laundry which is the room the cat is in most of the time! I guess I just need to get a blessing from Dad tomorrow when we go down for dinner cuz I literally don't know how to handle this!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The Grande Finale
So my CNA class is finally over. I am both extatic and depressed about this. I am sad because that class had a ton of awesome people in it that I will really miss socializing with and there were a couple of people in it that I would be totally great with never seeing them again in my life :). Anyhoo, I learned a lot and am very hopeful of getting a full-time job now but we'll see how it goes!
My stress levels are still sky high despite all major efforts so I think I need to step up my game and not do the avoidance technique and that will help a lot. I need to really push myself this week to get more applications in and get my freakin apartment super clean so when I come home from a long day I'm not looking around at all the crap I need to get done!
So, I text the guy I was dating in June, just to say hi and kind of try and smooth things over. It worked! We were very nice to one another and got caught up on all the goings on etc it was great. He even admitted that he missed me and that his saying that he didn't think we should see each other anymore was an over-reaction to both of us having a bad day. That got me thinking if I would date him again and my answer this week would be yes cuz I am way lonely and he made me feel fantastic at first. And I wonder if things have really changed enough in my life for me to be able to date right now or if it's still just too crazy but then I think that it's always going to be crazy but I do need to be able to cope with things better so we'll see where that gets me :D
My Mom told me this morning that it would be a lot easier if I could get a job down there and move down there :) I would love Springville but I love Orem so much more and I really don't want to move all the way down there. But it would be good for me to be closer to Mom and Dad and my niece etc. Guess we'll see how that turns out too lol
My stress levels are still sky high despite all major efforts so I think I need to step up my game and not do the avoidance technique and that will help a lot. I need to really push myself this week to get more applications in and get my freakin apartment super clean so when I come home from a long day I'm not looking around at all the crap I need to get done!
So, I text the guy I was dating in June, just to say hi and kind of try and smooth things over. It worked! We were very nice to one another and got caught up on all the goings on etc it was great. He even admitted that he missed me and that his saying that he didn't think we should see each other anymore was an over-reaction to both of us having a bad day. That got me thinking if I would date him again and my answer this week would be yes cuz I am way lonely and he made me feel fantastic at first. And I wonder if things have really changed enough in my life for me to be able to date right now or if it's still just too crazy but then I think that it's always going to be crazy but I do need to be able to cope with things better so we'll see where that gets me :D
My Mom told me this morning that it would be a lot easier if I could get a job down there and move down there :) I would love Springville but I love Orem so much more and I really don't want to move all the way down there. But it would be good for me to be closer to Mom and Dad and my niece etc. Guess we'll see how that turns out too lol
Thursday, July 14, 2011
And Here We Go Again.....
Last night's clinical went well after Forest Gump went home sick and then I got a semi-good CNA. Other than trying to leave a sheet on the bed that a resident had urinated on, she did great! The only problem is, is that at clinicals at the same time each night we only get to practice certain skills so there are many things on our lil checklists that I didn't get done because they are morning activities. Oh well, that's what studying is all about and I can always practice on the kids :)
On a side note, I lost another 2 pounds so since May 2011, I have lost 13 pounds!!!! WOOT WOOT!!! Yup dang proud of myself! My boss got the gastric sleeve surgery done so she is now literally missing 2/3 of her stomach so she has lost like 20 somethin pounds but mine has been from good old fashioned diet and exercise!! Feels sooooo much better being able to say that then having tried some fad diet or even worse surgery!!
On a side note, I lost another 2 pounds so since May 2011, I have lost 13 pounds!!!! WOOT WOOT!!! Yup dang proud of myself! My boss got the gastric sleeve surgery done so she is now literally missing 2/3 of her stomach so she has lost like 20 somethin pounds but mine has been from good old fashioned diet and exercise!! Feels sooooo much better being able to say that then having tried some fad diet or even worse surgery!!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Woo Hoo!!!
I lost another pound!! Sooo excited that things are actually paying off! I am not doing any exercise during the week though so I think if I start doing yoga like I planned that will help me sleep better and will burn more calories! But good news is that since I started tracking my weight in February, I am down one pound! Sounds bad but I actually went up 9 pounds from the February weight and lost all of that plus 1 pound!! Yea for not being able to eat greasy hamburgers or greasy french fries or drink soda pop! I actually drink close to 64 oz of water or juice every day and I am going to get back on my diuretic for my blood pressure so that will help flush things out too :) So, overall, I think things are going great with that goal!
Job-wise I am going to start applying to every freaking nursing home and hospital in Utah county so that when I graduate I will hopefully have a job lined up and then I will take my state exam on August 2nd and hopefully rock it so I can get my state certification right away and be able to have a great job instead of the one that I like and hate at the same time :) Although I am kinda scared about having to take on all my financial responsibilities again and worried I won't be able to do it! But I am sure since I have been paying tithing and keeping the commandments that Heavenly Father will bless me with everything I need :)
FAITH!!!!!!!
Job-wise I am going to start applying to every freaking nursing home and hospital in Utah county so that when I graduate I will hopefully have a job lined up and then I will take my state exam on August 2nd and hopefully rock it so I can get my state certification right away and be able to have a great job instead of the one that I like and hate at the same time :) Although I am kinda scared about having to take on all my financial responsibilities again and worried I won't be able to do it! But I am sure since I have been paying tithing and keeping the commandments that Heavenly Father will bless me with everything I need :)
FAITH!!!!!!!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Alrighty Then :P
I have aced two tests in the past two days! Awesome!! Don't know how I did it but I did! Woo hoo!! I am feeling more confident in my skills so I think I will do well on the tests but I found out today that we won't even get to test until August 2nd!!! I was sooooooo mad cuz I need to get a job right away not wait 5000 more years! I am hoping that I will be able to get one contingent on me passing the exam since I am already a CMA but we'll see how good my powers of persuasion are!
Haven't had any major life-threatening drama today other than all of my babysitters for tomorrow leaving for the day! But, I got everything worked out so it will be all good :D hmmm might actually be able to go to bed at a decent hour tonight! Awesome for being so tired you can't help but relax :)
Haven't had any major life-threatening drama today other than all of my babysitters for tomorrow leaving for the day! But, I got everything worked out so it will be all good :D hmmm might actually be able to go to bed at a decent hour tonight! Awesome for being so tired you can't help but relax :)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Motivation Motivation Wherefore Art Thou?
I really have no desire to go to work or my dentist appt today. I don't want to do work cuz my ankle still hurts from Saturday and I just don't want to deal with my kids there even though it will be for less time today. I don't want to go to the dentist cuz he is going to give a recommendation on if I need a root canal or just a filling cuz my regular dentist couldn't decide so he sent me to a specialist :/. Not such a big fan of either situation so I am trying to delay the inevitable and it's just stressing me out.
Oh and last night the guy I mentioned in the previous post was being super immature about things so I don't feel so bad about my behavior. I did apologize to him Sunday night in a text so I covered my bases so no harm no foul but he was all ticked at one phrase in my text: I am truly glad it's over. There was an explaination for my behavior and an apology in that text as well but a day latter that was the phrase that he was all hurt by and HE IS THE ONE THAT BROKE UP WITH ME!! Doesn't make any sense what-so-ever!! It was really upsetting me last night but I talked things out with a great friend and realized he is just still playing the manipulating game and that he is just like all the other guys I have dated! LAME!! So, that scrubs song by TLC is going to be my new motto with dating lol
Oh and last night the guy I mentioned in the previous post was being super immature about things so I don't feel so bad about my behavior. I did apologize to him Sunday night in a text so I covered my bases so no harm no foul but he was all ticked at one phrase in my text: I am truly glad it's over. There was an explaination for my behavior and an apology in that text as well but a day latter that was the phrase that he was all hurt by and HE IS THE ONE THAT BROKE UP WITH ME!! Doesn't make any sense what-so-ever!! It was really upsetting me last night but I talked things out with a great friend and realized he is just still playing the manipulating game and that he is just like all the other guys I have dated! LAME!! So, that scrubs song by TLC is going to be my new motto with dating lol
Sunday, July 3, 2011
DOH!!!
So, I realized tonight that I can be a super hormonal idiot sometimes! A guy broke up with me that I was SUPER done dating anyway and yet somehow I'm all bitter about it and didn't want to talk to him AT ALL at the concert tonight. Not only is he in my sister's ward, he is in the choir that two of my sisters and my mom are in. So, I go to the concert tonight secretly praying that he won't be there or if he does go that he will not talk to me at all. HA! I have never been that lucky in my life! He walked right up to me and gave me a half hug cuz I was sitting down and asked how I was doing. I gave him a slight hug back and said great thanks how are you? to which he replied that he was good etc etc. I have no idea why I acted so childish tonight. He wouldn't tell me why he broke up with me so I have been ticked off about that and ticked off that I was rejected by the guy who is a giant loser! Super stupid and hormonal no? YES!!! Grrr I hate it when I get that way and yet don't want to let it go for some reason. Maybe I was waiting to see if he was going to act like a childish dork and that's what I was prepared for. But no, he was totally fine with no regrets and talking to my family like they were all good friends. Part of me is feeling really mature right now and wants my family to give him the cold shoulder too but that wouldn't be Christlike at all so I am stuck with totally invalidated feelings even from myself! ARG! I mean I could list a ton of reasons why I didn't want to go out with him and his reasons are probably very hurtful so that's most likely why he didn't want to say why. There that feels a little better! So, just like I spared his ego by me not breaking up with him, he spared my feelings by not telling me why he broke up with me :) Feeling better now!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Goals- Step One
This morning I am going to go to the gym with Karen and all our kids will be in the gym daycare :) and I will be starting my regimen to get in shape and train to run the 5K's with Karen next summer!! Now that I have a specific goal in mind I think it will be much easier to do the things I need to in order to accomplish my goal. For example, the gym session today that should have been happening at least 5 times a week for the past 2 years I've had my membership!! And I will also start doing yoga after class during the week so help me relax. I do a lot of heavy lifting during the week with work so I think I will be ok to not do weight lifting on top of it all but I do need the cardio to start burning more fat faster. And, I feel totally motivated about eating better as well so I think I will see some good results pretty fast which is great since I need to get a job when school is done! Well, here we go!!!
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