Yikes!

Wow isn't it amazing how you can read something someone wrote to you over 3 years ago and still get all riled up about it? I just had to email my ex to notify him of the daycare changes because it says so in my divorce decree. He is a very smooth manipulator and I had forgotten that fact. I looked up the last time that we emailed and it was almost exactly a year ago with absolutely no communication in between. And before that it was 5 months before and it was another insincere attempt to disrupt the kids' lives. He really is one of the most selfish individuals EVER! He sends me an email usually once a year saying that he wants to see them but NEVER follows through with it thankfully since Isaac doesn't even know him! He never calls, writes, sends cards, sends birthday cards or presents, or sends Christmas cards or presents and he hasn't seen them in 5 years all by his choice!!! I pray that I will meet a wonderful man soon who can be the father to the kids that they have never had but always wanted and be an actual husband to me before Hannah gets old enough to get curious and want to see him. I know it will only end in heartbreak for her and that sweet girl has been through too much as it is she doesn't need more crap to wade through!! Geeze even thinking about him makes me aggitated and feeling insecure like I did when I was married to him! I have come so far I will NEVER go back to the way I was because I refuse to do so! I have been through hell and back again and literally have scars to prove it! I have learned who I am and that I can be strong and stand up to jerks now and not back down! I have been through one of the hardest times of my life these past 7 months with no support from him and very little monetary support so I know I can get through whatever trial I have to go through with the ex! I REALLY wish I had the money right now to just be done with him so I would NEVER have to worry about him coming into my life ever again!

And So It Begins...

Started training for the new job today and found out I will be in the Alzheimer and Dementia lock-down unit... lil nervous about that not gonna lie but it should be a good thing! I am where I am supposed to be and where I am needed most right now! Positive energy!
I am also excited to have the time to be able to work on some projects at home that I have really been wanting to finish! I am going to sort through all the kids' toys out in the storage shed and bring in some for the kids to play with since they have been really good about keeping their room clean! And, I am going to organize our bookshelves cuz they are all a mess right now, and I am going to finish the blanket I started to crochet over 5 years ago!! Time to get that bad boy done!!

Good Things Do Come To Those Who Wait and Wait and Wait

Well it finally happened!! I got a job!! I started calling care centers on the 17th and found a few that were hiring for the graveyard shift so while my good friend Brooke watched the kids for me, I went to one in Orem and filled out the application and then tried to find the one in American Fork to fill out the app. and couldn't find it! I almost gave up and on the way to the highway entrance I knew of in PG, I found it! So I went in, filled out the app. and went back to Orem to collect the children. The next day, I got a call to set up an interview for Friday! That went very well and we even talked a lil about the firing issue! She said she would be giving my papers to the lady that is in charge of hiring and I should hear back from her the next week. Well, by Wednesday the 24th I still hadn't heard from anyone so I called them on the premise of asking some questions about benefits and the lady who was supposed to call me answered the phone instead and set up a 2nd interview for the 25th. That interview went even better and she even said she 'had to admit I like you' and that she would let me know the next day her decision because she had a couple more interviews the next morning and if I didn't hear from her to call her by 3. Well, I hopped in the shower around 1:00 to get ready to go pick up the kids and while I was in there she called my cell and left a message. So, when I called her back, she offered me the job!! It will be the graveyard shift which works out perfectly cuz I have someone that is willing to come sleep here so there is someone here for the kids, and then I will come home and take the kids to school, and then sleep while they are at school and be able to be with them until they go to bed!! SWEET DEAL!!! I feel so extremely blessed right now it is unreal! I was so worried that it would be another repeat of trying to get an MA job and no one would hire me but Heavenly Father blessed me to be able to be in the right place at the right time ( the graveyard shift opened up the day of my interview) and now I will be working in a great facility run by great LDS people!! So excited!!!
And, now that I am not stressing about finding a job, I am very hopeful that this flippin weight will finally come off! Seriously getting frustrated with it cuz I drink a ton of water, get exercise, and really don't eat poorly anymore and I'm still not losing any more and have actually gained 5 pounds back! Grr!! So, that is my new project to focus on is to lose weight finally and be able to fit into my size 18 clothes by October! 5 weeks away and I have about 6 inches to lose around my waist before that can happen so we'll see how it goes but I am very optimistic since my stress level is going down substantially!!

I don't wanna!

I really want to stomp my foot and yell I don't wanna! Been one of those days today and not too optimistic for tomorrow! But, thankfully tomorrow is the LAST day that my kids will ever come to work with me (while I work that is)! Then they start school on Tuesday!! WOOT WOOT!!! Ever since Hannah started school it really hasn't been that big of a deal for me but since they have had to come to work with me every day for the past 2 months, I am SUPER excited that they will never have to do that again! And, my hours will prolly be cut way back cuz of school starting I'm sure she won't have enough work for me for 4 hours a day so, I will be able to spend that much more time job hunting! So, although it will suck for the paycheck, I am excited to be able to have so much kid-free time to be able to go fill out applications and hopefully score some interviews :) I really do hope that I get the job I interviewed for on Friday but I am not planning on anything going that smoothly but then again maybe because I have actually been trying to do what I should be doing for a change, I might be blessed to have something go that smoothly for a change!! We'll see :)
Got to hold a super cute lil baby today! Really made me miss when Hannah and Isaac were that little and actually l0ved their Mommy and didn't fight or yell or kick or scream or destroy the house! I do love that they can talk sometimes and I do really love that Hannah actually does talk to me about the big stuff, I just wish that things were more under control in our lives so that they could have a non-zombie Mom and some stability and a schedule!! Thankfully, with school they will have a schedule and structure and we can get in some good habits for their schooling!! Optimism right??!!

Family Pic

This cute pic was taken by my amazing photographer brother-in-law Nate Pusey and as soon as I get the rest I will post some more :) Oh and check out the rest of his shots at nateworks.com!!

:P

Well, I passed both my state exams and actually got a 95% on the written exam so I am officially a CNA :) Hopefully not another worthless acronym next to my name but we'll see if I can get a flippin job! I did have a great interview on Friday with a care center in Pleasant Grove and hopefully will hear back from them this upcoming week. It looks like a great facility and the lady that interviewed me was great and easy to talk to and said my answers were great and that she was going to pass my resume etc on to the lady that actually is in charge of hiring. I am just praying that this will be it and I can finally have a full time job with benefits and be able to provide for my family without state assistance or family help. Don't get me wrong I am extremely grateful for the help that I have gotten but I desperately want to do this on my own! I guess it's a selfish pride thing and that's why I have been humbled many times because I haven't accepted the fact that I can never do anything on my own that I need my Heavenly Father for all things and my family here on earth as well!
I have been really struggling lately with a ton of jealousy issues. My niece got married yesterday and didn't invite the majority of the family. I hate not being a part of things cuz I always think that means that they don't like me and I enjoy being liked but it's not as necessary as it used to be. My nephew from that same family is dating a girl I met in my CNA class that I hooked him up with (cuz I have skills lol j/k had almost nothing to do with me) and, another nephew just announced his engagement to a super great girl! I am super jealous of their happiness and weddings that I never get to be a part of and it just sucks! I really don't know how to get over this one! I want my own big wedding to a fantastic guy that is my own personal brand of Prince Charming and I honestly don't know how that is EVER going to happen! But, I guess I just need to turn that over to Heavenly Father cuz the only thing I can do about it is get my status in the church reinstated and get going to the temple as often as I can get a babysitter and get a great job so that I know once again that I can do this whole single parent thing and that I am not required to have a man in my life in order to be happy!!