Here We Go Again!

I have decided, after some very well said advice, to go back to therapy to fix the inside me so that I can work on the outside me easier. I still have some serious issues or I would not end up with the same kind of guy every time. Yes they all look different and have some things that are fantastic and some things that really really suck about them but bottom line they weren't good enough for me in one way or another. That's not to say that I am conceited or prideful, I just am not willing to put up with certain things and instead of recognizing their faults before I date them, I magically think that somehow I am enough to motivate them to change and then when I'm not I get all depressed about it and that is LAME! Anyhoo, so I want to get my wiring all straightened out so that I can finally accept the love of a fantastic man wherever he may be, and have a full and happy life! I know it will not be without trials and lil hiccups along the way but with the right man by my side I can accomplish anything that life throws us! I can do that on my own as well but it's kinda lonely lol. So, it starts on Wednesday so we'll see how it goes!!!
As far as my other goals are concerned things are rough right now but I need to just take it an hour at a time. Any farther in the future than that and I want to cry so that's all I can do and I'm sure I will accomplish so much more!
Well, here's to a brighter tomorrow and a happier me!!!

Wowzers

So many much things have happened as of late. Hannah was baptized on April 9th which is also my sister Karen's birthday. Then on the 10th I found mold climbing up my wall in my bedroom when I was trying to change my sheets :( So, Nate (Karen's husband) came over and looked at it and decided it was not safe for the kids to be in the apt until it was fixed and let us come stay with them. So we spent the week at their house which was also spring break for the kids. So, I took them to work with me for a few days and had them go to daycare during one of my shifts one day and yeah. Also, Monday night, Karen and Mom took me out to dinner and we had a good long talk at Macaroni Grill which resulted in me breaking up with Paul on Tuesday :( I still debate that decision all the time because I care deeply about him but some of his habits are not desirable in a husband :( So, I haven't had him back over since the 10th and that's been really hard on me and the kids and he finally admitted it was hard on him too. Was starting to doubt his feelings cuz it seemed so easy for him to make the separation.
Anyhoo, this past week was nuts! we had dinner at Mom and Dad's on Monday night cuz Dad had surgery on his foot so we brought them down some pizza lol and then Tuesday night Karen invited us over for dinner after I took the kids to the dentist and the grocery store. Wednesday I stayed home after picking up the kids cuz I didn't want to deal with the world. Thursday I had to sub at the daycare and then we had dinner at Karen and Nate's again and then we had parent teacher conferences for both kids. Friday I had an interview at a ped's office that I just handed them my resume in December and then I subbed at the daycare and then we had a celebration dinner at Deanna's for Aaron's graduation from BYU. Tonight we have girl's night at Judy's and then we are spending the night at Mom and Dad's and then will all go together to hear Karen sing in church tomorrow. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too crazy!! So, as far as my goals are concerned, I am still looking for a job, I worked out on Tuesday, and I have an appointment with Karen's old therapist on this coming Wednesday and I am subbing at the daycare all week next week so that will be some added income and Paul made his first repayment so that will be more income to make things last a lil longer until I can get a dang job!

Today was the first day in 4 days that I haven't felt like I was gonna puke all day so I clearly haven't done well with the diet and exercise stuff but at least I don't feel like death completely. I did work a 10 hour day today so I think that counts for some exercise :) I also could have eaten better but alas I made some bad choices that made my belly happy so its all good! I will definitely improve as time goes on as long as I am aware of what I am doing and acknowledging when I do wrong I will improve :D I just need to not get down on myself and really put forth a solid effort and I can indeed accomplish my goals :)

Alrighty Then

Started the "diet" today... kinda bombed :( I did make myself eggs and toast for breakfast so that was good and I drank a ton of water today and no pop so those were awesome accomplishments! I didn't eat a good lunch and the dinner was actually probably pretty good for me :) Lunch is being excused by the fact that I was at the daycare and couldn't eat their lunch and had to grab something on the way to the daycare from my other job so there :P lol
Anyhoo, tomorrow I will still drink more water and that will help a lot and I will exercise when I get home from work so I can take a shower, pick up Isaac from school and then apply for jobs before I pick up Hannah. Then the rest of the day can be spent reading with the kids and then playing outside if it's nice :) There, now that I have a plan hopefully that will help me not procrastinate and be lazy lol...
Well, as far as job hunt goes, I found a few leads this weekend so I am going to apply to those tomorrow and am still waiting to hear back from an interview I had on the 24th of March but this company is notorious for taking their sweet time. So, in the mean time I will continue to apply for other jobs. I just really really need to get this boat movin cuz I am going nuts at my job now and really need to be able to support myself and my kids and get a great place to live :) So, for now I will just keep pluggin away and not give up and something will happen!!
Love life is going well also. The family finally met the boyfriend Paul :) So far the comments have been that he is really nice and my friends that met him on Friday said the same so I think it's going well per public opinion :) The rest of the family will meet him on Saturday at Hannah's baptism. Which reminds me that my Mom and I are going shopping for Hannah's dress after school so I need to hit the hay and I won't be able to do the reading/playing with the kids thing lol Dad and Isaac will just be hanging out... lol hope they have fun!
~Until Next Time....