I just realized that I always want to start a new thought with : "So,..." lol fun times! Anyhoo, I got the Jillan Michael's Ripped in 30 program that has a diet on-line to go with the work out program so as soon as Mother Nature decides to stop being a beast, I am going to start that program! I am way excited and would start it now except I would probably die! :) So, I am going to give my body a lil break and then give it a good boot-camp-butt-whooping! I figured if I follow it closely and get a few pounds worth of results then it will be sufficient motivation to keep going and get rid of my chub!
I have also been trying to make progress with my family in helping them to realize that I am a full-on adult! Yeah news flash! I'm almost 30! Somehow this has not translated into Carolyn can make her own choices! So, hopefully with them finding out that I am in a relationship with an absolutely amazing guy, they will realize that good or bad it's my life and I have to live it and choose what is best for me and my kids! Paul (my hunny-bunny) is a wonderful man and truly loves me and the kids! He is kind and smart and funny and loves many of the same things I do! He isn't LDS however so this will cause a major uproar in the family. They want me to be perfect lil Molly-Mormon and marry the perfect man in the temple for time and all eternity... Cuz that worked sooooo well the first time! LOL!!! Paul is actually a much better man than a lot of guys out there and is the perfect guy for me and the kids. He will be an amazing father and has already helped me in that area. I feel like I have an actual partner in raising the kids not just me on my own with someone loitering. I never felt like their dad really participated in any of their care willingly so this is a pleasant change. I am just so worried that they are going to judge him solely on his looks and his religious status instead of how he treats us which is by far more important to me! Besides the fact that we are just dating and not announcing our marriage! Grrr! I need to stop acting like a petulant child and then they will stop treating me like one lol!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
ummmm really?
So I have temporarily put my weight loss goal on hold until I get the program I ordered on amazon. I justified that trivial amount of money because it will indeed help me to get my lazy behind in shape! I also purchased some Spanish books to aid in learning the language which will make me more marketable for jobs. Speaking of jobs, still no full-time work but I am really working hard to stay optimistic and not give up cuz I can't give up! No one else can do this for me so the best I can do is give it my all and pray like crazy that I will get a full time job. My second goal is contingent upon getting a full time job because I really want to get ready to buy a house. I really want to stay in this area but we'll see how it goes. Anyways, if it's going to take more than a year for me to qualify for a loan then I will move into a 3 bedroom apartment cuz the kids are driving each other nuts and me nuts cuz they don't have their own room. So, to provide sanity to all concerned, a 3 bedroom apartment would be the next best thing but I would rather have a house :D.
My friend Jennifer is moving to Maryland and that is way bumming me out cuz she really has been a great friend and I am going to miss her but I know this move will help her and her lil family so I am trying to be happy for her :(.
My friend Jennifer is moving to Maryland and that is way bumming me out cuz she really has been a great friend and I am going to miss her but I know this move will help her and her lil family so I am trying to be happy for her :(.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Goals
So I have decided that blogging about some of my goals might help me actually stick with them! Kind of the whole accountability thing so we'll see if that actually works.
My first goal is about my weight. Which I think a bazillion Americans are "working" on that goal right now too so I'm not a lone lol. I currently have reached an all time high of 267. Which in high school I flipped out when I got close to 200 and dropped 25 pounds. I wish it was that easy now but I have the lovely addition of age, super amounts of stress, two kids that don't help me eat healthy, and my wonderful addictive personality! So, since I obviously can't do anything about the age issue, I can try indeed to tackle the other issues I've got stacking up against me. Stress: huge factor in my eating habits cuz when I am stressed I eat comfort foods like giant hamburgers and fries and sweets up the wahzoo! I can pay more attention to my body and emotions and when I get stressed I can practice the 8000 relaxation techniques my Mom has taught me over the years and just calm the heck down! Life does not end over silly things and I never know what the future may hold so I need to chill and enjoy all the little things in life right now that are amazing!! As far as the kids go, they really do eat well when they are given good foods. I just need to make them a part of the team and give them the power to tell me I shouldn't be eating that lol that will be a hoot for them and will make me rethink why I am wanting the twinkie or chocolate cake :). As far as the addictive personality I really just have to take that one day at a time! It works for alcoholics so I know it can work for a sugarholic. Another huge thing that will help will be for me to replace bad with good so I don't feel like I have to starve to death in order to try and lose weight! I just really need to think about why I want to eat the food I am craving... do I need protein to help my body function better, am I really hungry or just bored, did something poopy happen and I need comfort? etc etc etc... So, hopefully this will begin a new chapter for me in weight loss cuz something better work fast or I'm gonna lose it!!!
Goal number two: home ownership. In order to meet that goal I need a fantastic job for now so I can save up for a great down payment and then I need to keep going to school slowly but surely so I can eventually have a fantastic job and pay off the house sooner. Of course this goal can be aided by several factors like if I get married there would be two incomes to help make that a reality and I would be able to get through school faster if I was married too but we'll see what the future holds that way. In the mean time I can work on my saving habits and quit spending money on wants and only spend it on needs! I really have everything I need to function so if it is something that will improve things like the new cheese grater I need then that is fine but if not then I don't need it and I'm not going to buy it! I spent a lot of money lately from my tax return on stuff I didn't really need but it's been fun to use!! But, I have enough of that stuff now too so I really don't need to do it. My other spending habit is eating out. I can work on two goals at once with breaking that habit so that should be even easier for me!!
Alright here we go!!!
My first goal is about my weight. Which I think a bazillion Americans are "working" on that goal right now too so I'm not a lone lol. I currently have reached an all time high of 267. Which in high school I flipped out when I got close to 200 and dropped 25 pounds. I wish it was that easy now but I have the lovely addition of age, super amounts of stress, two kids that don't help me eat healthy, and my wonderful addictive personality! So, since I obviously can't do anything about the age issue, I can try indeed to tackle the other issues I've got stacking up against me. Stress: huge factor in my eating habits cuz when I am stressed I eat comfort foods like giant hamburgers and fries and sweets up the wahzoo! I can pay more attention to my body and emotions and when I get stressed I can practice the 8000 relaxation techniques my Mom has taught me over the years and just calm the heck down! Life does not end over silly things and I never know what the future may hold so I need to chill and enjoy all the little things in life right now that are amazing!! As far as the kids go, they really do eat well when they are given good foods. I just need to make them a part of the team and give them the power to tell me I shouldn't be eating that lol that will be a hoot for them and will make me rethink why I am wanting the twinkie or chocolate cake :). As far as the addictive personality I really just have to take that one day at a time! It works for alcoholics so I know it can work for a sugarholic. Another huge thing that will help will be for me to replace bad with good so I don't feel like I have to starve to death in order to try and lose weight! I just really need to think about why I want to eat the food I am craving... do I need protein to help my body function better, am I really hungry or just bored, did something poopy happen and I need comfort? etc etc etc... So, hopefully this will begin a new chapter for me in weight loss cuz something better work fast or I'm gonna lose it!!!
Goal number two: home ownership. In order to meet that goal I need a fantastic job for now so I can save up for a great down payment and then I need to keep going to school slowly but surely so I can eventually have a fantastic job and pay off the house sooner. Of course this goal can be aided by several factors like if I get married there would be two incomes to help make that a reality and I would be able to get through school faster if I was married too but we'll see what the future holds that way. In the mean time I can work on my saving habits and quit spending money on wants and only spend it on needs! I really have everything I need to function so if it is something that will improve things like the new cheese grater I need then that is fine but if not then I don't need it and I'm not going to buy it! I spent a lot of money lately from my tax return on stuff I didn't really need but it's been fun to use!! But, I have enough of that stuff now too so I really don't need to do it. My other spending habit is eating out. I can work on two goals at once with breaking that habit so that should be even easier for me!!
Alright here we go!!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Holy Crow!
So lets see if I can catch up on the past 10 months shall we? lol... At the end of June I got an externship at the Utah Neurological Clinic and then got a job there at the beginning of August. At the beginning of December I was fired from that job. First time that has EVER happened to me and honestly freaked me out pretty darn bad! But, I have given myself some therapy and am slowly recovering from the experience. It seriously threw me for a loop! I started questioning my abilities and personality etc etc it was really rough to have to go through all of that and trying to find another job has proved equally as difficult. It didn't help that I got fired right before Christmas and right after the medical assistant hiring season! Trying not to be bitter lol no really I just pity someone that has to destroy other people in order to somehow feel better about themselves. I really hope that she doesn't do that to anyone else there but since I've seen 2 other postings for a CMA job there since she fired me I'm guessing that people have either quit or she fired them. There were some great people there that I really miss but for the most part it was barbie town and I am thankful to not have to work there anymore. But, like I said I have been looking for a job since December 7th! Finally on January 21st, I started working part time for a lady in American Fork taking care of her 6 year old that has Rett Syndrome and doing some housework for them. It pays well but it's hard for me to not have road rage either on the way there or the way home but at least it's a job!! I just need to find another part time job or one full time job and that has been quite the process. Since December 8th, I've had approximately 6 interviews with no job offers. Why I don't get the jobs I have no idea but there it is... So, the search continues!
The kids have been doing well and continue to make me laugh, cry and wanna break something :) They are a blessing and a curse sometimes but I do love them and it's been way fun seeing them become little people.
Hannah has chosen to get baptized and that will take place in April. I am happy for her that she is soooo much more informed about the church and what covenants she is making than I was. I thought I knew everything but I was way off! Not that I would have chosen differently, just that I am glad she is well informed and desires to continue with her membership in the church. She is still the perfect combo girl that I always wanted when I imagined my kids; she loves sports and rough-housing and also loves barbies, playing dress up, and getting fingernails and toenails painted. But she is definitely still very much her own person and does not like being told what to do by anyone! So, it's a challenge still but it is soooooo much better than when she was little! It's really fun to carry on a conversation with her now too since she talks like an adult half the time but about lil girl subjects :). She is looking forward to her birthday on Sunday and we will be taking one of her friends to Classic Skating Friday night.
Isaac is becoming quite the lil man and cracks me up daily with his lil personality quirks. Although he did throw quite a fit when I started picking him up from school and wouldn't take him out to eat lunch every day. Still doesn't get the whole Mommy is poor concept but we're working on it :). He is becoming more all boy and loves all the creepy crawly creatures and dinosaurs but also still loves the colors pink and black and his stuffed animals. He really wants to be older than Hannah and continues to ask me when that will happen lol.
Well, that is about all for now but I hope to start doing daily's on here to hold myself more accountable for a few things like eating habits etc so we'll see how it goes lol! Wish me luck!
The kids have been doing well and continue to make me laugh, cry and wanna break something :) They are a blessing and a curse sometimes but I do love them and it's been way fun seeing them become little people.
Hannah has chosen to get baptized and that will take place in April. I am happy for her that she is soooo much more informed about the church and what covenants she is making than I was. I thought I knew everything but I was way off! Not that I would have chosen differently, just that I am glad she is well informed and desires to continue with her membership in the church. She is still the perfect combo girl that I always wanted when I imagined my kids; she loves sports and rough-housing and also loves barbies, playing dress up, and getting fingernails and toenails painted. But she is definitely still very much her own person and does not like being told what to do by anyone! So, it's a challenge still but it is soooooo much better than when she was little! It's really fun to carry on a conversation with her now too since she talks like an adult half the time but about lil girl subjects :). She is looking forward to her birthday on Sunday and we will be taking one of her friends to Classic Skating Friday night.
Isaac is becoming quite the lil man and cracks me up daily with his lil personality quirks. Although he did throw quite a fit when I started picking him up from school and wouldn't take him out to eat lunch every day. Still doesn't get the whole Mommy is poor concept but we're working on it :). He is becoming more all boy and loves all the creepy crawly creatures and dinosaurs but also still loves the colors pink and black and his stuffed animals. He really wants to be older than Hannah and continues to ask me when that will happen lol.
Well, that is about all for now but I hope to start doing daily's on here to hold myself more accountable for a few things like eating habits etc so we'll see how it goes lol! Wish me luck!
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