Who's Ready For Round Two?

   So I really thought things were getting better but here we go again! Isaac has decided that it's awesome to yell and scream and punch and kick over the smallest inconvenience he has to endure. He used to be soooo sweet and kind and gave super great hugs all the time. Now he has become evil spawn! Not quite sure what to do with him but he will continue to go to therapy and we will try and find a better solution than what we've been dealing with. I keep forgetting to pray first. I forget that Heavenly Father knows exactly what Isaac needs! As I was typing this the words Time and Love came to mind. I will have to actually pray to expound on those thoughts but those seem easy enough to give. But then I realize why Isaac would feel he isn't getting those things because we are so busy doing things for Hannah and focusing on her I am sure he feels left out. He probably figures that Hannah got all the attention she gets now by acting that way so it should work for him. I wish there was a way for him to understand that it's better to get positive attention by making good choices but any attention is still attention in his mind.
   I have also been lacking the faith that I will get married again. Every time I examine the logistics of the situation, it appears hopeless. I cannot take more time away from my kids right now to seek after a father for them but that's exactly what they need. I know that we can be a great family with just me as their mother but I also know what a difference a father would make to them. True they have a biological father but they have some deep-seeded issues with that character. They need a man who can show Isaac how to be a man that respects others and himself so that he can eventually be a husband and father. They need a father that will play games with them and show them how to play sports (cuz I suck at sports lol) and will play outside and inside rain or shine. They need a father that will love their mother and show Isaac how to treat a woman and Hannah how a woman is supposed to be treated. It's all well and good to tell them these things but they need that example in the home. And I am just flat out lonely! I love my kids but they cannot and should not try and replace that sacred relationship. I know I can be happy no matter what but if we're making wish lists that is on the top of mine.

S.A.D.

Like the title says, this is indeed Single Awareness Day (formerly known as Valentine's Day). I have really been feeling it this year. I think my biological clock is to blame. I turned 30 in January and that was really difficult to come to grips with. Especially out in Utah where everyone is married and has 5 kids by my age. If I were anywhere else in the continental U.S., I would be a tiny bit on the late side of getting married but perfectly normal. As it stands, not being married at 30 is strange and then you factor in the whole having 2 kids thing and ya might as well sign me up for cat of the month club! Sadly, since I am allergic to cats I can't even become the classic cat lady! ugh!
   I have reached a point in my life now where the stress of the dreaded ex is lessening and Hannah is behaving so much better than she used to so I don't know what to do with myself. I haven't not had something to stress over since I was 12! Which would explain my gastritis :) I really want to finally focus on myself and getting fit and happy in every way possible! I just got my tax return back and so I got a Wii for the kids and I. I got it on Amazon.com so I was able to get the console, 2 controllers, and 4 games for $150. Yeah that's how I roll :) Anyhoo, the kids love playing Just Dance at my sister's houses so I got Just Dance 3 for us to play. It doesn't take long before I start sweating with that so I am confident that it will be great exercise for all of us!
   Speaking of exercise, Hannah started taking swimming lessons on January 4th and she absolutely LOVES them! She might be part fish but it's amazing how well she is doing in such a short amount of time. She even behaves at school in order to participate in her lessons instead of watching them if she misbehaves. I really am proud of her and I really hope she wants to join the swim team with the rec center so that she can get great friends that have a common interest :)
   Anyhoo, hopefully now that I don't have to worry about the ex and work is going better, I will be able to get control of my home too! It's just a 2 bedroom apartment but it has been like a black hole lately! The kids' room is a complete disaster but everywhere else is mostly clean (yes even my room!). I know if I strive to maintain control of myself then I will be able to make my home a haven from the nuttiness of the outside world!
   One day at a time.....