AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SOOO not fair! But then again life really is never fair is it? So, one of my high school friends is getting married again, didn't tell me at all, is having an open house in SLC that I found out about because of a post on his sister's FB page! How lame is that? And this is coming from a guy that said he would never get married again, wanted to mess around instead but not willing to date (rejected that loser idea) so that's just another slap in the face! ARG! I know I am trying to process this under period hormones and emotions so none of this is rational but it doesn't make it hurt any less. So, now the wedding count is up to 3 people I am close to and 3 people I know who are happily married and pregnant. Carolyn's count for anything that is not stressful but just pure happiness: a big fat ZERO! I am really trying to have faith that those things will happen for me again and maybe this is just another test to see if I will lose my faith because everyone around me is getting everything I want out of life?! I am going to work really hard on that whole faith thing cuz I am really lacking it right now! I can't help but wonder how on earth I will ever even date let alone find someone worth marrying and if I do will I be too old to have the children I keep feeling are waiting to come to my family? K a faithful person would say at this point that it's in the Lord's hands cuz I am doing everything I am supposed to do: I am going to church, I went through the repentance process and am worthy now, I read my scriptures, say my prayers (constantly), and try and teach my children what is right and true. So, after that, it's no longer up to me! Heavenly Father knows I can't go to a single's ward, can't go to single's activities cuz I work nearly every night that they have them, and I have a precious few friends cuz no one wants to hang out with a single mom. So, there ya have it! By all logical reason, I will never get married again! But, perhaps, Heavenly Father will be able to work through someone I know in order to make things happen cuz I have no other options! Of course I don't want to take more time away from the kids to date but maybe they will forgive me if I can get them a great Dad cuz of it? :)