Stupidity is rampant

I really hate it when people say their baby was "unexpected" or an "accident" or have a ton of kids really close together without praying about it and just say they guess that's what Heavenly Father wanted to have happen! Seriously people if you don't have sex you can't make babies! Simple as that! And I know that there are certain families that have lots of kids close together after PRAYERFUL consideration and PLANNING because for one reason or another that was what was part of the plan for their lives! To do it any other way is prideful and irresponsible! I made a bad choice of whom I had my kids with so I know the pain and regret that can come with not having Heavenly Father's help and guidance in this process!!! Now my greatest wish is to be able to have a second chance and have a family with an amazing worthy priesthood holder that can be the father to my kids that their dad never was! But, I am not blessed with that right now so I just have to have faith and try not to shoot people that are soooo flippin stupid about their choices like I once was!

Much Better

Today was sooo much better than last night! I had a really good night at work cuz my buddy Cade was working and he always comes and talks to me for a bit and then I was working on a puzzle they had out and that made the time go by soooooo fast!
I only got 3 1/2 hours of sleep but I wasn't tired at church AT ALL!! Such a huge blessing! And I got to take the Sacrament again which is something I always took for granted before but the promises and blessings are so wonderful and I am so thankful! The talks and lessons were great and then we went to choir and Hannah's friend Gina was there so they played pretty quietly while we sang. I got asked to give the closing prayer in Relief Society and after choir and I didn't have to politely decline this time! So awesome I can't get over it!! I also read some awesome scriptures on faith that were in the book of Alma in the book of Mormon that really helped me get through my depression about being a divorced single mom and not having a lot of hope for a future husband. I am trying to remember every time I have doubts that I was promised "him" in a blessing given to me by a worthy priesthood holder and that Heavenly Father will prompt me if necessary to be a certain place if that needs to happen that way or He can prompt someone to set me up on a date with someone they know in order for us to meet. The possibilities are infinite because His power is infinite as is His love for his children and I'm sure my future spouse is praying for me too :)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SOOO not fair! But then again life really is never fair is it? So, one of my high school friends is getting married again, didn't tell me at all, is having an open house in SLC that I found out about because of a post on his sister's FB page! How lame is that? And this is coming from a guy that said he would never get married again, wanted to mess around instead but not willing to date (rejected that loser idea) so that's just another slap in the face! ARG! I know I am trying to process this under period hormones and emotions so none of this is rational but it doesn't make it hurt any less. So, now the wedding count is up to 3 people I am close to and 3 people I know who are happily married and pregnant. Carolyn's count for anything that is not stressful but just pure happiness: a big fat ZERO! I am really trying to have faith that those things will happen for me again and maybe this is just another test to see if I will lose my faith because everyone around me is getting everything I want out of life?! I am going to work really hard on that whole faith thing cuz I am really lacking it right now! I can't help but wonder how on earth I will ever even date let alone find someone worth marrying and if I do will I be too old to have the children I keep feeling are waiting to come to my family? K a faithful person would say at this point that it's in the Lord's hands cuz I am doing everything I am supposed to do: I am going to church, I went through the repentance process and am worthy now, I read my scriptures, say my prayers (constantly), and try and teach my children what is right and true. So, after that, it's no longer up to me! Heavenly Father knows I can't go to a single's ward, can't go to single's activities cuz I work nearly every night that they have them, and I have a precious few friends cuz no one wants to hang out with a single mom. So, there ya have it! By all logical reason, I will never get married again! But, perhaps, Heavenly Father will be able to work through someone I know in order to make things happen cuz I have no other options! Of course I don't want to take more time away from the kids to date but maybe they will forgive me if I can get them a great Dad cuz of it? :)

More Updates...

Jon and Morgan are officially married! Sooo happy for them! They were just goofy happy all day! I have never seen Jon so perfectly happy so it made it that much better! The St. George temple is stunning and beautiful as well so it just added to the beautiful and spiritual feeling of the day. My job was to watch Lizzie and Tyler while Karen and Nate were in the temple. I have to admit I was a lil nervous cuz I know my kids can get their kids all riled up but all of my and other's prayers were answered and all of them behaved VERY well! Such a huge blessing on such a special day! I really wish I would have been able to go to the ceremony but I am thankful that I was able to watch the kids cuz no one else was available to be able to help watch them so it worked better that way! The reception was fun and a bit more laid back feel to it but it was beautifully decorated with white table clothes and chair covers with blue bows on the back. The cake was pretty odd with the bride and groom figures but it's what they wanted so it works! They also had dancing which was way fun!! I will definitely copy that when I get married again! It will be one big party for sure!!

Updates...

So Halloween was a blast and the kids had a great time! We went trick or treating with Kare, Nate, Lizzie, and Tyler around their neighborhood and Deanna, Allison, and Jen came too and ALL of us dressed up so it was even more fun!! As you can see in the pic, Hannah was a witch and Isaac was a skeleton :) The kids got a lot of candy and had a great time! I also got to meet my friend's brother and his wife and most of their kids. This is the friend from my CNA class that is dating my nephew and they are most likely going to get married in January! Matchmaker Carolyn!!