Strange Things...

I think the whole lack of sleep is really starting to mess with my head a lot! I really don't know what day it is anymore and time is passing sooo quickly that it's just flat out weird!
I have been working at the care center for almost a month now! Crazy I know! It has had its ups and downs as with any job of course. There are some great people that work there though and that makes it fun and I'm sure as I get to know people better it will be even better to pass my time there :). I really don't want to work there forever and couldn't afford to work there forever but it will work until I can land a great job with an IHC facility! That's the goal for now anyway since they will do tuition reimbursement so I can get my RN cheaper than trying to pay for it myself. I am getting really anxious to get started on it though so I might start checking into the Weber State on-line program cuz that is something I could totally handle rather than trying to find time to go to a class and taking that much more time away from my kids. So, I think I'm gonna look into that and possibly get the ball rolling. I kept feeling like now wasn't the time to start that but I think I was just afraid that I would be unsuccessful because of my past failures at UVU but had a huge success at Ameritech and MATC when I was taking classes in the medical field! So, since I know what I want to do and my success at the general ed classes will determine if I get in the RN program I think I will do MUCH better! So here we go!!!

Slacker

Each time I work, I see these people that are obese and can't walk very well and have tons of health problems and it really motivates me to do something other than sit on my behind all day. But then I get home and for some reason am completely exhausted and totally unmotivated! Then I try and get ready for work and I have a ton of cute scrubs that I can't even wear anymore cuz they are too tight but I don't want to give in and buy more in the larger sizes cuz I really want to lose the weight but I just feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place :(
I can make a positive step in the right direction with how I eat though. I am going to start taking carrots to work cuz they are crunchy and will keep me awake and they have like 15 calories for 30 of the baby carrots or something like that. And, although I went a little extreme last time, that's how I lost a ton of weight when I first got divorced so I know it will help. I also need to have a lean protein so that my blood sugar doesn't get low and it will be a better way to lose the weight then just eating carrots for lunch every day!
I still haven't had any pop since the beginning of May so that is great for me! I really really crave it sometimes but have no idea how my stomach will react after the gastritis so I don't mess with it at all!

Pity Party

It is amazing to me how negative thoughts just feed off each other until you are in a full blown pity party! I really don't know what started the Negative Nelly Train but I am having a hard time derailing it! It could have been feeling incompetent while trying to fill my tire with more air and not being very successful, or it could have been my apartment getting completely trashed every hour or two with the kids home, or the lack of money that I have and lack of hours at work to compensate for that deficit, or the fact that I'm still single without any hope of getting married ever again while my nephew is getting married in 2 months and my sister is pregnant (2 things I want badly), or it could be that I need a new windshield on my car and an oil change that I don't have money for, or it could be that I am obese and can't seem to do a dang thing about it cuz something always comes up to cause more stress so I don't eat well or exercise cuz I'm depressed and that makes me tired ALL the time! Wow! What a whiner I am! So, now I am going to counteract the negativity and try and get some sense of control in a world where I have NO control over anything but my response! It is a great thing that I was able to get a job because I only have 7 months experience! I may not have the hours I need yet but I can talk to people tomorrow at work and see how that can be remedied. I can find comfort in things besides food like family and friends and escaping in a movie for a lil bit. I am a good person no matter what my size is, the only reason I need to lose this weight is so I can be healthy and not get diabeties or a heart condition or cancer (since all 3 run in my family). I can get help from my family in order to get all the stuff done for my car cuz they love me and love to help and I would do anything for them! As far as the guy thing goes, I am putting that completely in Heavenly Father's hands cuz there isn't anything I can do about that except be worthy to receive the blessing cuz I can't go to the singles ward or activities cuz of the kids so there ya have it! So, in other words, I can be in control by taking steps to solve the problems that arise in my life EVERY DANG DAY! The situation doesn't control me or how I deal with it and there isn't just one way to deal with it, there are always alternatives like my Mom taught me :)